The Molekian banquet
by Haloa
Summary: The Molekians are friendly...If you want to trade with them, you just have to share their meal! Kirk/Spock/McCoy/Uhura/Sulu/Scotty and ...a bunch of Tellarites!


**The Molekian banquet**

After a long journey of nineteen days, the Enterprise has finally reached the planet called Molek and its two and half billion inhabitants.

This small planet, although classified M, seems to be very inhospitable. Well, it is my opinion.

Molek is so far away from its sun that on its surface, temperature does not exceed 5°C during summer. Therefore, when snow and ice do not cover its ground, scarce vegetation is able to grow despite these windy days. Do you want to spend your next vacation here?

To my dismay and once again, my ship has served as a taxi for a delegation of diplomats, accompanied by traders and scientists, mostly geologists.

In their opinion, Molek is far from being an inhospitable planet, as its subsoil is rich in Trilithium in its gaseous form. The latter, once purified, proves to be an interesting source of fuel although less powerful than the crystals of Dilithium.

Eager to establish _(and quickly)_ a commercial treaty with the Molekians, in exchange for our assistance in case of invasion _(by Romulans or Klingons, the list is endless, take your pick!)_ , Starfleet Command has once again diverted my ship from its mission of exploration in order to transport this _bunch of morons_ …Um, forgive me, I wanted to say _these_ _diplomats_ …

You may ask why the presence of this delegation is so disturbing. Well, it is because all these diplomats are Tellarites, and their leader is the unbearable Ambassador Tezrav, son of the late Ambassador Gav!

According to Admiral Dickson, Tezrav himself has required to travel aboard the Enterprise. But why did he choose the Enterprise? Why did he choose my ship?

According to all my officers, Tezrav wants revenge! But who is his target and why?

Now, I know the answer…His target is my First Officer Spock, son of Sarek, former rival of Gav…How I know? I will explain later…

So, Tezrav spent those last days insulting my ship and my crew. I had to resist the urge to kill him on several occasions…But let's go back to Molek and its inhabitants…

The first contact with the Molekians happened eight months ago. They were not contacted by Tellarites but Andorians. Accustomed to the extremely cold temperatures of Andor, they probably believed they were arrived in Heaven!

This is the first description of the Molekians by the Andorians: the population is very friendly and actually helpful. They look like giant apes with white fur. Their eyes are as yellow as their pointed teeth. They are traditionally wearing large and colorful dresses _(probably in order to be seen despite the snow)._ If you are invited and if you want to trade successfully with them, you have to partake in their hearty meal…The protocol is strict. You can't refuse to share their meal!

Once an appointment has been made with Moka, leader of the Molekians, the whole delegation of diplomats has been _cordially invited_ to share a _simple meal_ as a welcome gesture. Unfortunately, Moka has also invited my main officers and me.

This is why Tezrav and his aides, Doctor McCoy, Scotty, Lieutenants Uhura and Sulu, Spock and I entered the dining room to meet the Chief Moka and some of his Ministers.

The temperature in the room: 12°Celsius.

Dressed in heavy parkas, our ears under woolen caps, we are facing our hosts with a fake smile of satisfaction.

Spock, a scarf around his neck in addition to gloves and cap, is strangely quiet despite his difficult situation.

As everyone knows, Vulcans live on a hot desert planet…

Oh… I forget to tell you a little information about the Molekians…

Given the scarcity of vegetation on Molek, its inhabitants are exclusively carnivorous! Various meats, cooked or raw, are on the menu of the day.

Tezrav knew that this species was carnivorous. He also knew that Moka would invite all my officers, Spock included. As his father and as most of Vulcans, Spock is vegetarian. I think that Tezrav wants the failure of negotiations with the Molekians. As a result of that, he will put all the blame on Vulcans, via Spock, son of his father's rival. That's why I think this whole machination is a vengeance against Sarek of Vulcan. In this affair, Spock is both his tool and his poor victim.

I wonder if Andorians are also involved…As you know, Andorians and Vulcans were enemies by the past.

Since the announcement of the invitation to a great banquet, Doctor McCoy was happy to have the opportunity to taste the local food of Molek and its best recipes from _fresh and carefully selected products_ but he became disenchanted and worried when he heard about the composition of the dishes served.

As a friend and as a doctor, he was worried about Spock's health. Indeed, how is he going to swallow a single bit of meat without throwing up?

Spock said nothing but his shocked eyes spoke for him. Of course, my Vulcan friend had the solution: he suggested remaining aboard, one officer having to remain on the bridge in case of attack...

This would have save the negotiations but Tezrav refused on the ground that his absence would be considered as a grave offense made to the people of Molek! The Chief Moka had apparently heard about a Vulcan Officer among the crew of the Enterprise and he wished to meet him… _How strange!_

Like me, Bones thinks that Spock can't sacrifice his principles and customs in order to please the Molekians and the Federation. McCoy shouted his indignation but Tezrav did not change his mind.

Anyway, Bones and I have discussed a plan. Bones is going to sit next to Spock on his right and me on his left. With the help of Lieutenant Uhura, Sulu and Scotty, it should be possible to divert our hosts' attention from Spock's plate and to surreptitiously remove the pieces of meat to make them believe he is actually eating! Bones and I will probably suffer from indigestion but this does not matter.

Spock raised a skeptical eyebrow at the revelation of our plan. He was not convinced of its chances of success and it is unpleasant to see now that he was right. This plan will never work…Leonard is seated on my left and Spock is on his left…

I look at my other friends and colleagues around me.

As I expected, Scotty seems serene although I'm sure he would have preferred to eat the haggis of his grandmother! His stomach can withstand anything!

As for me, the months spent on Tarsus IV are still in my memory…I remember the hunger that twisted my guts and I remember salivating before a roasted mouse and a handful of roasted insects for dessert when I was 13 years old…

But here and now, on planet Molek, each of us is staring at his plate with mixed emotions.

Oh and …the Molekian banquet has another peculiarity. Each guest has a different dish before him. When you finish your plate, you immediately get the same plate than your table neighbor so that finally you have eaten all the dishes served …This explains why our plan is doomed to failure! Furthermore, it is obvious that we, Humans and Vulcans, can't finish all these dishes! We are all going to die of indigestion!

Lieutenant Uhura is seated in front of me. The poor girl is laughing nervously while looking at the open skull in front of her. She is tightening a spoon in her hand and looks disgustedly at her dinner: the jellied brain of a _Knof'fr_ … This little monkey, distant cousin of our hosts, is bred for its delicious and tender flesh. I see that she is trying to contain tears. Her situation bothers me, now that I realize that I was only worried for my Vulcan colleague and friend.

Next to her, Scotty is almost comfortable. A fork and a knife in each hand, he seems puzzled, facing a big hedgehog in his plate. His main problem seems to be: how is he going to eat that? How is he going to remove all its prickles?

When Lieutenant Sulu calls me, he has a large spoon in his right hand.

"Captain…My bowl of soup is staring at me!"

Like a complete moron, my first reaction is to laugh, before discovering that the soup contains eyes of Knof'fr … I try to swallow my saliva, feeling pity for my navigator.

"Jim! It's alive!" Bones says suddenly.

I try to contain another nervous laugh. Doctor McCoy saying that his meal is alive is indeed comical…what is his usual remark? …oh yes: "He's dead, Jim!"

I look furtively at his large bowl where a dozen of eels are moving, trying to escape!

Once again, I laugh…Ashamed, I look down and observe my plate and its content. I'm fortunate. It is a roasted and stuffed snake…Well; my luck seems to disappear when I realize that the snake is filled with small spiders, as alive as the eels of Bones…

"This dish is divine. You're lucky to start with it but you have to eat it rapidly!" My Melokian neighbor on my right says.

I smile and nod, grabbing my fork and my knife… _of course, I have to eat it rapidly or the spiders will escape from the snake…_

"Jim! It's A-LI-VE!" Bones repeats, having finally my attention.

Who or what is alive? Is it my roasted snake? Is it Scotty's hedgehog? Or maybe is it Spock's meal?

Oh my God…Shame on me! I have forgotten my friend's fate!

Anxiously, I look in his direction and observe him and the strange look he was giving to his meal: a small animal, sort of prairie dog. Like the eels of Bones, it is alive and is staring at my Vulcan friend with fear. Its whole body is trembling. Its four paws are pinned on his plate like Jesus on his cross. Ironically, the small animal is lying on lettuce leaves! Spock's meal is to my knowledge the sole meal which contains vegetables…

I hear that someone is laughing. It's Tezrav, that bastard!

Like McCoy, I observe my friend. His breath is short. His skin is as white as the tablecloth. He is frowning like in deep concentration…I almost think he is in a full mind-meld with his main dish!

I feel sick for him…I wish he does not vomit…I wish he does not run away…

Suddenly, the walls shake and a violent explosion is heard. In the next second, my communicator device bleeps!

"…Lieutenant Kyle to Captain Kirk! A Romulan ship has just appeared from nowhere and attacks your position! Get ready! We will beam you up!"

While Tellarites and Molekians are exiting the room in order to join the nearest pads of teleportation, with great fear on their faces, I look at Bones and his beautiful smile. Uhura, Scotty and Sulu are already at his side.

"Lady and Gentlemen, I think it is time to leave our hosts!" I say.

"Spock, what the Hell are you doing?" Leonard asks.

"Doctor, I think that the Molekians would accept that I take my _dinner_ with me!" Spock responds while protecting the small prairie dog shaking in his arms, its legs still bleeding.

Then, following his example, all my officers, McCoy included, have imitated his action. Not to be outdone, I saved in extremis a small Knof'fr myself. Of course, grouchy as usual, Bones reminded us that he is a doctor, not a veterinary surgeon!

…What happened next?

Well, Moka saw us disappear with our meal, thinking that we had been delighted by the exquisite food of his planet and were honoring the customs of his people! Well, in fact, Bones had explained to him that we were going to eat them later before disappearing in the light of the transporter!

After the departure of the Romulan ship, Moka agreed to trade with the Federation in exchange for the protection of his planet and his people.

Ambassador Tezrav received the _congratulations_ of his superiors. His _reward_ was the post of Ambassador of the Federation on Molek and the opportunity to spend many years on this world of ice.

McCoy cured the meal of Spock and the other _Knof'frs_. Thereafter, they were sent to Earth where they are now living peacefully in the farm of my mother in Iowa.

Spock spent several days in his quarters, to meditate. He only left his hot quarters in order to help the Doctor with the prairie dog.

Bones called the small creature _Lucky_ and Spock _…_ well, Spock was satisfied with it!

For my part, I was just happy to see the Tellarites leave my ship and believe it or not, I have been happy to see my dinner canceled by the attack of a Romulan ship!

Surprising, is it not?

 **The End**


End file.
